Half Time Report

11:30pm- "When is the maid coming?" Hubby asks. I try to joke. When that doesn't work I know I am in for the bad mother/bad housekeeper talk. Hold on to your seats.

Two seconds later, he comes in all serious to demand a chore chart. That's right. He doesn't think that we are being very good parents b/c the house isn't up to par. I told him I disagree, we are awesome parents, just not so up to par housekeepers. Ok, fine. We stink.

So, I made a chore chart. If it were a football pool instead of a chore chart I would be guaranteed a winning slot. MB's all over the chart.

FreeNotSoMuch

I know, you have all been biding time, pining away waiting for my TX stories. Here's a quick one for you. TX was our free trip consisting of the following: 2 free airline tickets (won at a golf tournament-lucky), 3 free airline tickets (miles earned with constant hubby traveling), free hotel (miles earned with constant hubby traveling). Other than meals, car rental and a little entertainment we were pretty happy with our carefree, fun, 'free' trip. Until the last 12 hours.

Free. No large expenses until we got caught in the big storm. You know the one with hail, rain, up to 50 mph winds and tornado warnings. We were literally driving right into it the last night when we were trying to get to Dallas so we could fly out in the early am. We eventually couldn't see a thing on the road so we pulled off and found a suite to stay in. Free, notsomuch.

Fun. No worries at the beach, aquarium, rainforest, lotsonaps, reading, swimming, hot tub, hysterical Mexican dinner or movies. Until...cherub 2 gets a 104 degree fever and the big D. Up all night and unless you are wondering, that equals a bathroom trip every ten minutes for me and cherub 2-while hubby snored on the free plane. Fun, notsomuch.

Free. Early morning (4:30am) we leave for the airport from our not-free hotel and we think, great, the storm is gone, we are safe, the price wasn't so bad. Until, flashing lights. Hubby going 84 in a 60. Almost a $400 speeding ticket. Free,notsomuch.

So, until that last 12 hours, fun and free. Memories, priceless.

Not Just Mickey Anymore

Tuning into my new favorite blog to bounce to, Rocks In My Dryer, I learned that 15 year old Miley Cyrus posed topless, wrapped in a sheet for Vanity Fair. Walt Disney would be rolling over if he could see what is going on. She is representing the Disney name?

Sure, you could ask, where was her father while that was going on? Especially since she is legally a child! Supposedly, ON THE SET WITH HER DURING THE PHOTO SHOOT. I am pretty certain that hubby would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS allow our daughter to pose that way even if she was 30 never mind 15!

A penny for your thoughts...
Tell me, are you horrified, used to this sort of thing, or seeing the art in it?

Me? I am horrified.

I'll Miss You Too!

While driving in car on Sunday...

Cherub 3: Do we have school tomorrow?
Me: Yes, we do. Vacation is over.
Cherub 3: The bottom lip starts to pouts.
Me: What's wrong love?
Cherub 3: If we have school, that means we won't see you!
Me: I'll miss you too buddy. We'll get to see you right after your field trip! You are going to have so much fun...

My cup runneth over...

Living the Dash

Recently, my step grandmother (I know, how often do people get to write those words) passed away. My mom didn't tell me or the sis's (?) and went to the funeral with just Dad, my aunts and uncle. Aunt N told me that the priest gave a beautiful, very personal homily about how wonderfully she lived the dash.

I was born in 1971. So someday for me (hopefully not for a long time) it will be 1971-(year). It makes you think.

How do you live your dash?

Whamp, whamp, whamp, whamp, whamp.

Why is it that after a week's vacation, there was no time to shop and organize? I was out at 9pm scrounging for the supplies we needed for Monday's field trips, lunches, dance rehearsal and work day?

During his visit to the kitchen to get a soda to have while relaxing in front of the tv, hubby was sure to point out how crabby I was being as I unpacked from the store, organized, made lunches, handled permissions, notes, bla, bla, bla, etc.

Since he didn't like my tude, he decided to pick a fight with me over radishes.

H: Are these radishes old?
Me: No, I bought them yesterday.
H: You bought them yesterday? Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
H: You bought them yesterday? They are groas. They are old. You couldn't have.
Me: Ok, whatever, throw them out.

(I know, he must be right. He is ALWAYS right. Not.)

H: (With attitude and edge to his voice.)How could you have gotten them yesterday? They are disgusting. Look at this. Yesterday. No way. Whamp, whamp, whamp, whamp, whamp.

(That is right, now I hear what snoopy and Charlie Brown hear when a parent talks to them. I have totally tuned out his words.)

Me: YES! I bought them yesterday. You don't have to believe me. Hannaford's obviously sold us crap. Throw them out if they are groas. Whatever. Stop badgering me!

H: Oh, I can't even ask you a question. What is your problem? You are so pleasant! Whamp, whamp, whamp, whamp, whamp.

What's in your Basket?

At life long friend H's house today, we were joyfully celebrating her 5 yr old baby girl's bday. After a week of sunny weather, mother nature blessed us with misty, yucky, cold weather. Hence, 12 kids indoors. Generally, our kids play beautifully and we barely hear from them. Today for the first 1/2 hr or so there was a bit of wrestling, running, yelling etc.

After taking a turn at keeping the peace, I returned to the kitchen. H asked me if I would like some coffee. Keurig ready to go, she had filled three baskets with choices; caffeinated, decaf or cocoa. How very Martha.

We decided at a party with 12 kids indoors the baskets should really offer prozac, zoloft or another happy 'fully loaded' cocktail for moms to relax by. To heck with the coffee.

What's in your basket?

The Modern Child

My daughter begged me a moment ago to sit down and watch ICarly. Since we have been on the go all weekend, I said sure. I peeked over and she was fast forwarding the credits in the beginning of her show. She lives in a world where she can DVR her fav show and then not be inconvenienced by credits or commercials. Too funny.

She would never understand that I grew up in a world without cable. The REALLY BIG tv had a dial that had 5 stations (4,5,7,56,38). My big sis used to make me turn the channel...there were no remote controls. Being the big sis she also trumped me with picking shows and we always had to watch MASH. Blech. I remember when my parents finally got our first vcr. We thought we were sooooo cool.

Yup, now I have even bored myself with my howitusedtobe story.

Texas

I have so much to post from our short little 'free' trip to TX. I am wiped but will try to add my posts this weekend! Had fun, glad it's done? Stay tuned...

Sistas are keepas

No, this isn't one of those sappy emails. I am not speaking of my blood related sistas.

First, packing for vacation (what? you didn't notice I was gone for almost a week!), I realized that there were no spring clothes for cherub 1 or I. She had outgrown hers and I had shrunk from mine!

So, after buying cherub 1 a wardrobe, off I trotted to Ann Taylor Loft to buy a normal size! That is right baby. For the first time in YEARS, I went into a 'normal' store, tried on clothes and bought like 4 outfits!

If you have never been heavy, you can not relate to this post at all. If you have, you understand that I was literally skipping out of the store! Don't care if this sounds egotistical! I am so happy. Let's not get ahead of ourselves though. In the past year I have officially dropped 4 pants sizes. Still have 2 more to go for goal.

Funny though, the sistas are here to stay. No size drop there. Why torture me, I ask? I am willing to send part of them packing.

New Rule

We were originally supposed to be in the city tonight with my girls and their hubbies. Made plans a long time ago to enjoy the triple D. Dinner, drinking and dancing to our favorite 80's band. Check out the link below while picturing lots of leg warmers, rainbow short shorts and big hoops (not on us, on the members of the band!). I know we have serious issues!

Since we are slaves to our children's social calendars, cherub 2's tball game interrupted all our plans. I emailed them from vacation to let them know that we would never be able to make dinner on time. Since I had a higher than normal sleep deprivation issue going on (check into TX posts on the why) going into the city was not going to happen at 9pm for me.

Not all fun was lost for Friday night. Other good friends of ours asked at the beginning of the week for hubby and I to join them for dinner on Friday. My original plan of asking them to join us for the triple D was shot since we weren't going, hence a 'local' dinner was confirmed. Since leaving later didn't hinder our ability to go out locally (and stay awake until we got there-God we are SO old) AND we had a sitter, out we trotted at 9pm.

Ok, K, this is where the decoding starts.

CYFA. That is right. Despite the many warning signs that their was a birthday happening (lottery tickets falling out of my menu, somber G, and his gullibility when I told him on the phone I was his escort service about to arrive) NEITHER hubby nor I realized it was G's bday. When you are out for dinner, drinking margaritas, laughing (and did I say drinking margaritas) with friends for at least HALF the night, and NONEof them bailed us out when hubby & I didn't realized the date, it is bad! Needless to say, we instituted a new rule.

New rule. CYFA.
Cover Your Friend's Ass (get your mind out of the gutter)
Yes, TELL someone, flatout that they are a loser and didn't pick up on the hints. SAVE THEM THE EMBARRASSMENT!

HBDay G, we love ya! How could we forget G's bday? It ALWAYS fell on spring weekend at WSC (dah, now). Since he was our campus cop (scary), and PREFERRED to spend his bday working (why?) we used to drink (heavily) and chase his cop car and scream "Happy Bday G, stop working and come driiiiiink with us!" So sad.

All our humiliation was worth it to see hubby stand up, stomped and clap to the beat while singing (really loudly) his Chi Chi's Mexican restaurant version of hbday! Brought back memories. The night I met him, he had on his Chi Chi's uniform. Ooooo, so sexy! G, how could you ask for a better present than that?

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=8691343

Rocket Man

"1,2,3 Blast Off!" Middle Finger Up (pointing to me). "F Word". Giggles.

I stand stunned. I stare at cherub 2 and bark "Don't say that!" He burst into tears (for the 2nd time tonight). Good mother, huh? Then I rationally remember he has no idea that he is saying anything wrong.

We chat, calmly. Doesn't know what the f word is but knows it is 'bad'. Remember my recent post about that? This is not the first time for this conversation. Doesn't know the middle finger is bad either. I explained that it is kind of like saying a bad word.

Rocket Man isn't going to say F word or use that finger again.

Who's in Charge?

Cherub 2 is being reported for his jumping from seat to seat and HANGING OUT THE WINDOW behavior on the bus. That is fabulous. So, now that the bus driver is officially reporting him, if he continues, he could get kicked off the bus. Yes, my kindergartner! Hello? Hanging out a window? I am horrified to say the least. I was more mad that when the bus driver REPEATEDLY told him not to do it, he simply ignored his requests.

Our other two have that 'respect for their elders' thing going on. Him, well, he generally likes to call the shots. Any suggestions on how to get him to realize he needs to listen to the elders in his life?

So he is punished for two days. NO Nintendo and no Wii. We also had a loooooong talk about respect including some tears.

Stay tuned, I am sure there will be an update soon.

Light Dawns on Marble Head

The first girl Biggest Loser rocked the world last night- LIVE. What I have figured out is that EVERYTIME that show is on, I am stuffing my face with something that is not good for me. It is like God is trying to tell me something. Not necessarily any other night, but any given Biggest Loser night, there I am, eating junk. It's like I am free advertising for the show. Here is what NOT to do! Cry when someone gets booted from the show, while trying not to choke, through my tears, on my late night snack. Hmmm...what is wrong with this picture?

A Stankin' Strike

Ok, so my dog STANKS. When hubby travels teh dog goes on strike when it comes to going poopies. No master, no poop. So, she is STANKING up the house with doggy farts. It is killing me! I took her out tonight. It is a nice warm night out there, go already. Nothing.

Headlines

So Fox TV is saying that TIVO can predict who gets voted off American Idol each week. They evaluate who records IDOL, which singers get 'fast forwarded' and which ones are watched. Ummm, two questions:

1) Who has so much time on their hands that they think of these things?
2) Why does this information make the news?

Personally, I am an IDOL fan but I think it is hysterical that it makes the news at all. Shouldn't it be on a show like Entertainment tonight instead? Just a thought.

Watch Out Eddie

Four year old, baby nephew lives next door to Eddie Hascal. Except Eddie is 4 years his senior. Eddie is a master at getting everyone in trouble and wacking, throwing, pulling, punching, etc etc etc when adults aren't looking. BIL & I decided tonight that Eddie better watch his back b/c we think he is picking on the wrong kid. Baby nephew may be younger but he is stronger and someday he is going to clean his clock baby! We might just have to have our backs turned that day.

Back to the Balls

Cherub 2: "Hey mom, these are my babies I think" (while holding each one of his balls).

Me: (Babies? Oh, boy. Pondering just letting the moment pass with no words), "those are actually your balls".

Cherub 2: "They are? Like my eyeballs?"

Me: "Kind of. Those are your private part balls."

Cherub 2: "Hey, they both have b sounds in them! Balls! Eyeballs!"

Me: (Glad to speak phonics instead of balls), "Yes, you are right. Cool!"

Then, on to something else. Easy as that!

Blur

Officially, this weekend is a blur. We think we had fun! We started tball, soccer, took down a tree, 1 kid with strep, shared visit with inlaws, did taxes, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, dance pictures (big deal, makeup, bun (this is a whole post on its own etc) a little wine for good measure, babysitting and worked. I have some cute pictures to post but I can't find the cord that hooks my camera to the computer. Later on that.

During that whole time we were worried b/c Big Sis was brought to the ER this morning because she has been vomiting since last Wed! They hydrated her, gave her anti-nausea medicine and called it a virus. We all determined that they call EVERYTHING a virus these days.

However, we are truly thankful she is back at home and getting a little better per BIL. I am looking forward to talking to her Monday to know she is gaining strength.

I am blurry-eyed caused by the blur. Off to bed I go.

Just One Question to Ponder

As I apply clorox bleach pen, stain stick and oxyclean to my sons uniform I wonder, why are baseball pants white?

10 Things I Realized This Week

I have been accused of not writing enough lately. Guilty.

10 things I realized this week:

1) I love that my kids play sports.
2) My kids play too many sports.
3) Peanut butter and fluff can be supper in a pinch.
4) I have already been awake 3 1/2 (busy) hours before I arrive at work each day.
5) Many third graders still pick their noses.
6) When your principal enters your classroom it ='s momentarily loss of teachability.
7) Distance truly makes the heart grow fonder (missed you again hubby).
8) Some people live to be noitalls.
9) My kids are hysterical.
10)I miss sleep.

A Good Start to the Week

Monday morning I was helping cherub 3 get dressed and he exclaimed, "I get to wear my new Patriots sweatshirt? WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!" He was screaming, jumping and laughing with excitement. I said to cherubs 1 & 2, "Wow, I wish I could get that excited about what I was wearing."

Pause.

"I get to wear my black sweater to work? WAHOO! WAHOO! WAHOO!" I giggled, while dancing in circles.

We all broke into ghales of laughter for a few minutes. Happy Morning!

Scream Away

Most families have a bedtime routine. We read books and sing songs before tucking snug as a bug in a rug. It is always the same 4 songs too. Started with lullaby. Mr Sun was added on years later. Hubby added Rudolph and Silent night (he said he didn't know any other songs). Imagine singing xmas carols everyday, all year! So now we sound like the A.D.D. song people, it is a lullaby, nopes its xmas, nope it's a lullaby, ha, it's xmas. But hey, it works, the cherubs pass out to the lovely sound of my voice.

Except tonight.

Cherub 2 is SCREAMING from his bed, "You didn't sing silent night! You didn't sing silent night! No you didn't, no you didn't, no you DID UNT" Which of course I did.

I have tried the nice sweet mommy approach, the tough mommy approach and now I am just letting him scream. I would put on a vaccuum if it wouldn't wake the other two. This must have been what it was like to have a colicky baby, scream, scream, scream.

Pretty soon I am gonna scream (and cry). Oh, and I do know that it would have been easier to just SING IT AGAIN but now it is a matter of principle. As college roomie says, it can go from so good to sooooo bad, so fast.

Grocery Store of the Future

I found myself wondering around the grocery store tonight at 9pm thinking of a time when I didn't worry on a Sunday night if there was milk in the fridge, fishies in the closet and tons of fresh fruit on hand prior to the start of the week.

These were my thoughts as I FELL ASLEEP standing up while waiting for my turkey at the deli. Yup, the scary deli guy (are you allowed to have long hair and work at a deli?) woke me up with "how much turkey did you want"?

I slept walked through the rest of the store while filling my cart and remembered that it doesn't matter how tired I am, I wouldn't give up my naps at the grocery store in a millions years to go back to life before my kids. (Although having a real nap...not in a store wouldn't hurt!)

The picture above is the new and improved grocery store for moms. The plan is that you walk in, hand someone your list and snuggle up in a bed while someone shops for you. A TRUE nap at the grocery store.

First Day with New Teacher

Set Scene:
Big Sis is traveling with baby nephew (also age 4) and cherub 3 in (loser cruiser) mini-van. I can say that b/c I am a proud owner of one, baby blue, woman demoralizing, sure to squash your sexyside away, vehicle. Oops, got off track there.

BN teaching Cherub 3 how to look cross-eyed w/out knowing the word cross-eyed:
BN- "You have to have your eyes touch your nose."
Cherub 3- Tries to follow directions.
BN- "No, you did not touch your nose."
Cherub 3- Tries again.
Cherub 3- Frustrated, tries again trying to use his hands to help.

Big Sis resists bursting out laughing (and tries not to run off road).