Date Night Redefined

Hubby & I have a hard time escaping on date night. Gee, I don't know why? 3 cherubs, 3 sports schedules, 2 full time jobs, 3 cherubs social lives (which are grander than ours now), the balance of seeing family, friends, etc. Without even trying our definition of date night is evolving, redefining to suit us:

Definition of date night (courtesy of Oxford Dictionaries)
noun, informal
a prearranged occasion on which an established couple, especially one with children, go for a night out together

Date night...redefined (courtesy of MB)
noun
a fortuitous break in our rigorous, family schedule when a busy couple aquires a small span of time to appreciate each other; activities varies

Last night we stole a 20 minute block of time where we enjoyed adult conversation over take-out chinese food, while sipping a cocktail. The cherubs had friends over and were otherwise occupied. It is amazing how a 20 minute conversation can fill you with enough love to fuel you to keep up with the life you keep together. Love you hubby!

Things I learned in 2012...

Life has taught me:

It is the little things that count. For real, not just saying that.
Family means everything.
A true friend loves you even when things aren't honkey dorey.
Sisters are gifts from God.
Everyone handles grief differently.
Time marches on, ready or not.
There is always a reason. Patience is needed. Lots of it.
I am a lot tougher than I thought I was.
Teaching is the most challenging and rewarding career.
Being a mother is more important than ANYTHING else I do. Period.
There are very specific reasons wine was invented.

My cherubs have taught me:

It is the moments that count, big ones and small ones.
Traditions are important. I have stuck to them, even when it isn't easy.
They just want a hug, a conversation, a giggle, your undivided attention.
They are hard-wired to ask for things but in the end...they just need your LOVE.


My hubby has taught me:

Everybody deserves a second chance, no matter how difficult that can be.
Life IS better on the boat.

WANTED

Crane. Must be reliable, punctual, insistent, strong. Job description: able to drag lift cherub 1 out of bed.

Literally, pay back is a *itch. I used to drive my own Dad crazy because I "just.couldn't.get.up". There are some days I just want to scream or leave her in her nice cozy bed. Let her miss school all together. See if that bugged her? Unfortunately, I don't think she would be fazed one bit. Sorry Dad if I put you through this! Sigh.

Our Very Own Amelia Bedelia

Since birth, cherub 3 has been literal. I have written before about times when he followed the letter of ourwords...to the t...making us feel as though we were in an Amelia Bedelia story (water the Xmas tree-splash, feed the fish-throws quarter in). The most recent case:

Hubby & cherub 3 making dinner. Hubby seasons broccoli and wraps in tinfoil.

Hubby: Cherub 3, can you put the broccoli on the grill?

Cherub 3 heads outside, opens tinfoil and painstakingly places each little piece of broccoli on the grill.

Hubby painstakingly removes tiny pieces of burnt broccoli from grill.

Sidebar: Not even thinking about WHY hubby asked my 8 year old to go outside without him and place something on the grill? Really?

The new normal.

It hit me yesterday that even though life is not normal anymore without Patsy, I still need to preserve our memories in the only way that works for me. This blog. So here is some normal. It is the new normal.

Last night cherub 3 & 1 had plans and hubby was working late. I gave cherub 2 the choice of where he & I could share dinner together. The cherubs do not often have their own time with hubby or I so we both treasured last night. Cherub 2 talked for almost an hour straight.

I learned the updated version of:

*the things that made him happy to be going to middle school next year (yikes!)
*the things he was uncertain of
*who was mean during their daily 4th grade recess football games
*who was most "popular"- we talked about being popular and how none of it matters
*he shared with excitement his most recent writing project in school, a brochure on the state of Delaware

He recently won a raffle at cherub 1's school with all merchandise with our town name on everything. He was sooo happy to win something! Cherub 1 was supposed to bring it home yesterday for him. This is his version of the conversation between him & cherub 1.

Cherub 1: Sorry, it was another name they actually picked out. They made a mistake, you didn't really win.

Sidebar: "Mom, I knew she had to be kidding."

Cherub 2: Huh?

Cherub 1: But you can get the mail if you want cuz you got mail instead. I already checked it.

Sidebar: "Mom, I KNEW that she must be playing a joke. I could just FEEL the sarcastic (aka sarcasm) in the air!)"

Cherub 2: Ok. Checks mail. Finds huge bag with raffle winnings.

Cherub 2: I knew it!

Sidebar: "Mom I totally knew she was tricking me!! It didn't work!!

A Promise to Patsy

The past year has been a heartbreaking ride, one that teaches you what is important and what is not. It has taken me a year to be able to type. Even now, I type through tears of frustration and a myriad of feelings.


A year ago, my MIL came home for Florida in time for a fabulous Easter celebration. Soon after, she was plagued with the "flu" and couldn't shake it. She was so sick she missed cherub 3's First Communion which sent alarm bells ringing in my heart. She loved the cherubs more than the shells on Cape Cod's finest beaches and wild horses couldn't keep her away. Something was really wrong. During hubby's 40th bday surprise weekend (with friends) she soldiered on to try to help FIL and SIL babysit the cherubs. Less than a week later found herself in the hospital. Having received a kidney tranplant 9 years prior, hubby and I thought kidney failure? Was it her heart??


Cancer.
Lung.
Stage 4.
Devastation.


Being the ultimate fighter that she was, she tried to fight. God had other plans. She peacefully passed August 1, 2011 surrounded by her family. I have been mad furious at God ever since.


I know I should feel joy that she is with God now. I do not. I feel sad. Mad. Confused. I try to rationalize. She is not sick anymore, she is in heaven. She is an angel that can be with the cherubs in a different way. Even knowing this, I.am.still.mad. I am not sure when I will not be mad. I will keep trying.


We love you and miss you everyday Patsy, Grammy, Mom! xoxo


In Patsy's Memory-We Promise


We promise to keep you with us everywhere
We promise to cook and live with spice
We promise to learn how things work
We promise to dance around the living room
We promise to have pj pool parties
We promise to not overthink things
We promise to question everything
We promise to have an opinion
We promise to love the grand cherubs
We promise to be a good friend
We promise to take care of and love each other
We promise to live each day to the fullest.