The new normal.

It hit me yesterday that even though life is not normal anymore without Patsy, I still need to preserve our memories in the only way that works for me. This blog. So here is some normal. It is the new normal.

Last night cherub 3 & 1 had plans and hubby was working late. I gave cherub 2 the choice of where he & I could share dinner together. The cherubs do not often have their own time with hubby or I so we both treasured last night. Cherub 2 talked for almost an hour straight.

I learned the updated version of:

*the things that made him happy to be going to middle school next year (yikes!)
*the things he was uncertain of
*who was mean during their daily 4th grade recess football games
*who was most "popular"- we talked about being popular and how none of it matters
*he shared with excitement his most recent writing project in school, a brochure on the state of Delaware

He recently won a raffle at cherub 1's school with all merchandise with our town name on everything. He was sooo happy to win something! Cherub 1 was supposed to bring it home yesterday for him. This is his version of the conversation between him & cherub 1.

Cherub 1: Sorry, it was another name they actually picked out. They made a mistake, you didn't really win.

Sidebar: "Mom, I knew she had to be kidding."

Cherub 2: Huh?

Cherub 1: But you can get the mail if you want cuz you got mail instead. I already checked it.

Sidebar: "Mom, I KNEW that she must be playing a joke. I could just FEEL the sarcastic (aka sarcasm) in the air!)"

Cherub 2: Ok. Checks mail. Finds huge bag with raffle winnings.

Cherub 2: I knew it!

Sidebar: "Mom I totally knew she was tricking me!! It didn't work!!

A Promise to Patsy

The past year has been a heartbreaking ride, one that teaches you what is important and what is not. It has taken me a year to be able to type. Even now, I type through tears of frustration and a myriad of feelings.


A year ago, my MIL came home for Florida in time for a fabulous Easter celebration. Soon after, she was plagued with the "flu" and couldn't shake it. She was so sick she missed cherub 3's First Communion which sent alarm bells ringing in my heart. She loved the cherubs more than the shells on Cape Cod's finest beaches and wild horses couldn't keep her away. Something was really wrong. During hubby's 40th bday surprise weekend (with friends) she soldiered on to try to help FIL and SIL babysit the cherubs. Less than a week later found herself in the hospital. Having received a kidney tranplant 9 years prior, hubby and I thought kidney failure? Was it her heart??


Cancer.
Lung.
Stage 4.
Devastation.


Being the ultimate fighter that she was, she tried to fight. God had other plans. She peacefully passed August 1, 2011 surrounded by her family. I have been mad furious at God ever since.


I know I should feel joy that she is with God now. I do not. I feel sad. Mad. Confused. I try to rationalize. She is not sick anymore, she is in heaven. She is an angel that can be with the cherubs in a different way. Even knowing this, I.am.still.mad. I am not sure when I will not be mad. I will keep trying.


We love you and miss you everyday Patsy, Grammy, Mom! xoxo


In Patsy's Memory-We Promise


We promise to keep you with us everywhere
We promise to cook and live with spice
We promise to learn how things work
We promise to dance around the living room
We promise to have pj pool parties
We promise to not overthink things
We promise to question everything
We promise to have an opinion
We promise to love the grand cherubs
We promise to be a good friend
We promise to take care of and love each other
We promise to live each day to the fullest.