(Disclaimer: The below is sarcasm at it's best.)
I decided this morning that going to church has become my penance for all my sins. I remember the day when I used to go to church, my place of peace, beautiful music, serenity and prayer. I used to have the time to listen, learn and try to be a better person. It is way different now.
My penance looks something like this:
Wake up. Corral 3 children to shower, eat and get out the door, with appropriate clothes, on time to make it to mass. (Today, cherub 1 came down with a summer dress and open toe high healed shoes on. Ummm, turnaround and go put leggings and boots on. It is snowing!) This change is the point where we run late for mass.
Whisper on the way in to be quiet, because we are a tad late.
Pick up worksheets on the way into mass. My children are "required" to fill out these worksheet during each mass to "help them learn about the mass and the church seasons. In essence, it is to prove they were there. Who is kidding who?
I find myself whispering things throughout the mass like: feet down, stop banging, hands off your sister, what? you have to go to the bathroom again?, yes-it is almost over, don't scribble on your worksheet, don't grunt at me, etc, etc, etc.
We continue to annoy the elderly people sitting near us as I whisper throughout the mass helping them with their worksheet, since it has words like 'sanctuary' on it. In the end, I do not hear the true message of mass today because I am too busy assisting my kids.
After mass, take 1 of 3 children downstairs to ccd. Leave for 1 hr. Come back to pick child up. Corral cherub 2 because he has decided to LAY DOWN ON THE FLOOR OF CHURCH, GRAB CHERUB 1'S LEGS AND SCREAM THAT HE IS GOING TO TAKE HER DOWN. In the end, I pick him up (by his jacket sleeve), point my finger and say sternly, "Cherub 2! Stop it! You are in church!" He looks at me like, "What did I do?"
In the end, I looked crazy.
In the end, my kids look out of control.
In the end, I feel the need to cry.
So as a true sinner would, I will pay the piper, do my penance next week at 9am mass. Who needs to go to the confession booth?. The priest should simply 'absolve' me (for all my bad thoughts throughout my mass experience) on the way out of mass each time in hopes that I will come back next week.